Does weight define you?

Time to get honest!  I hate how weight defines us, specifically women.  I hate my weight and in fact, I've hated my weight ever since I was the age 13.  Sad, but true.  I've always looked at these "celebrities" and thought, I want to look like her.  But the fact of the matter is, I have hips.  It doesn't matter if I lose 40 pounds, I will still always be in that bigger sized pant because of my hips.  If I didn't have hips, I wouldn't have to wear the size pants that I do.   Last month I finally pulled the trigger and purchased a bigger size pant.  While it was depressing to go up a size in pants, wearing them made me feel a little bit better.  I didn't feel like a whale in a pair of jeans.  Unfortunately, they do not fit correctly in the thighs.  They sit baggy in my butt and thighs area, but my hip area is great!  In fact, the hip area is just a little too big!  But I'd rather wear a pair of pants that are just a little bit bigger than feeling like I am going to pop out of a size too small pants.  I will say though, that I was and still able to wear in certain pants the same size that I was in high school.  Could I be thinner, of course I could.  Do I want to spend every night working out and not enjoying life, of course not.   I just need to be somewhere in the happy medium.

I ask my husband constantly if I am fat or complain that I just feel fat.  His answer is always the same (an obvious NO) and yet I am always asking him.  I realize it is annoying me asking him that, but it's a self conscious thing that I do to myself.  Another thing bugging me about my weight it that I was suppose to be getting fat now (I was pregnant) and then bam, now I am not.  I went 12 weeks thinking I was pregnant and that I am suppose to put on some weight and now, nope, go back to thinking you shouldn't put on weight.  After losing the pregnancy, I went into thinking I just don't care right now about my weight.  Now I care about it again, and think I need to count calories, work out, don't drink soda, don't eat sweets, etc.  

Special K has this new commercial on TV.  When I saw it, I actually felt better about myself for a brief second.  You know what, I am so much more than a number.  I define myself with that number and absolutely hate that number, with a passion!  When I googled about this campaign, I found so much hate about it.  I realize that Special K made a commercial to make you want to purchase their products to lose weight and make you feel better about the number you wear, but I thought it was a powerful message in that you really are so much more than a number!   

So yesterday I started back on the "diet" train.  I am going to try to get back into my healthy living.  I decided to start with a small goal, 10,000 steps a day.   That's a big goal when you look at the fact that I sit in a desk chair for a good 8 hours a day along with a good 2 hours in the car driving there and back.  I started off Monday with walking on my lunch (30 minutes, 1.75 miles) and a nice long walk after work with Keeley (1.95 miles) and ended with the following:

Not too shabby for day one.  Now to keep this up the next 4 days!  I think I can, I think I can!  :)